Can’t get, Can’t get rid of 得不到, 捨不去
Lately I have counseling some people with family problems, marriage problems, children problems, relationships etc.
Buddhism emphasizes Cause and Effect, or Karma, all things happened due to karma creations, therefore, to understand the current conditions, we can trace back to previous causes.
Marriage for example, you fall in love with someone you think was perfect at the time, then after getting married, things seemed changed drastically to worse. First, we need to go back to our true seeing, that is our conscious sense of seeing, not with our physical eyes, when we see a person and like or dislike that person, our conscious minds-eye identifies the individual combined with previous karma-connections. When you fall in love, you had karma connection with the person, this karma connection maybe for a long time or short time, when that karma connection is exhausted, the relationship ends, this apply to good relationship and bad relationship.
A good relationship could be in your previous lives, you have done favors for one another, care for and was kind to one another, this time around, you are harmonious with each other.
A bad relationship could be that you might have done wrong to one another, and there are feelings of hatred or unjust against each other, that kind of feeling imbedded deep in the eighth Alaya consciousness, which carried over to next rebirth. So this time around, the two meet again, entangled life together and fight. Therefore, it’s important to practice forgiveness, tolerance, and do not hold grudge or hatred against anyone.
In the Buddha’s First discourse– the Four noble Truth, first truth is Suffering, which includes can’t get what you want, Can’t get rid of what you don’t want. these are conditions from previous causes. If you cannot get something which you want real bad, it means “not meant to be”, let go of it, you don’t need it!
If you stuck with something you don’t want, it’s your karma connection, deal with it best you can. the party might be your previous creditor, returning to collect your debt. or maybe someone you have done harm to in the previous life, and this time around he or she always think you owe them a living, or always hateful to you. In this case, treat him or her like your special guest, give them the best treatment you can, because if this is a creditor, you want be happily repay the debt, if this is someone you have done harm in the previous, you want to be very nice to them, and pay them with great kindness.
If you do all these, things will change for the better, because that is how the law of nature works. Believe me! I have seen many times, it worked for people I know, so I suggest you try it, if you have similar difficulties in life.